Still Standing
I am in the Netherlands to resolve a few things before permanently settling in Scotland. Unfortunately, in the 6 months that I've now spent here, I've been utterly unable to get anything done. The opposite is true: mistakes that I've made in the past, have come to destroy me. The plus side though: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And the becoming stronger bit is what I had in mind exactly.
My worst mistake was in 2002, when I moved from Scotland to the Netherlands, to try my hand at college again. The plan was to finish one year at home, then take my student loan to Scotland and do years 2 and 3 there. When I set foot in Holland though, a populist politician was shot dead and a few months later a right-wing government was installed. They made it impossible for me to fund a college anywhere else in the EU but Holland. And the course I followed was daft: an English-language communications study, but I spoke better English than all but one teacher, had to take stupid Dutch students under my all-knowing wing and acted as a guinea pig for the schools management. It was the first year they ever tried it, and they botched it. Trouble is, I pushed hard to complete the first year all the same, but then had to give in. The student funding agency IBG then turned all of their gifts into a loan, so all of a sudden I was 12.000 euro's in debt, without a job and with no chance of returning to Scotland. Now in 2005 I still have 11k left and on top of this my student bank want their money back too. Understandable, but they want it all, at once. So at this moment I earn no money, but have debts with a bank, a government agency and several family members.
Being penniless wreaks havoc with plans for the future. As I am having difficulties paying the bank, I am blacklisted and therefore unable to get any sort of loan for the next year, with any Dutch bank! Even if I start earning money again, but I don't have a job now either. As I also have no place to live on my own (I'm at my mum's..), no degree, no savings and no time to spend on things I like doing.. Well I can't do anything I like because of dark clouds constantly over my head.. One could say my life is shite. Oddly though, I don't feel bad. On the contrary, the worse things get the stronger and more uplifted I feel. Because to me it's like.. I need to reach an ultimate low. And it's in sight. Once I'm on top of it, things will only get better. And I know for a fact that it'll all come good. When I leave the Netherlands though, sometime next year, don't be surprised if I kick this country's arse just before getting on the boat.
My worst mistake was in 2002, when I moved from Scotland to the Netherlands, to try my hand at college again. The plan was to finish one year at home, then take my student loan to Scotland and do years 2 and 3 there. When I set foot in Holland though, a populist politician was shot dead and a few months later a right-wing government was installed. They made it impossible for me to fund a college anywhere else in the EU but Holland. And the course I followed was daft: an English-language communications study, but I spoke better English than all but one teacher, had to take stupid Dutch students under my all-knowing wing and acted as a guinea pig for the schools management. It was the first year they ever tried it, and they botched it. Trouble is, I pushed hard to complete the first year all the same, but then had to give in. The student funding agency IBG then turned all of their gifts into a loan, so all of a sudden I was 12.000 euro's in debt, without a job and with no chance of returning to Scotland. Now in 2005 I still have 11k left and on top of this my student bank want their money back too. Understandable, but they want it all, at once. So at this moment I earn no money, but have debts with a bank, a government agency and several family members.
Being penniless wreaks havoc with plans for the future. As I am having difficulties paying the bank, I am blacklisted and therefore unable to get any sort of loan for the next year, with any Dutch bank! Even if I start earning money again, but I don't have a job now either. As I also have no place to live on my own (I'm at my mum's..), no degree, no savings and no time to spend on things I like doing.. Well I can't do anything I like because of dark clouds constantly over my head.. One could say my life is shite. Oddly though, I don't feel bad. On the contrary, the worse things get the stronger and more uplifted I feel. Because to me it's like.. I need to reach an ultimate low. And it's in sight. Once I'm on top of it, things will only get better. And I know for a fact that it'll all come good. When I leave the Netherlands though, sometime next year, don't be surprised if I kick this country's arse just before getting on the boat.