Is it possible one can be his or her own fictional character of the book he or she is writing or wants to write? Or are you reading yourself? Who are you besides words and grammar? Who are you without stories to tell and the story others regard you as?

Yesterday I went to the cinema with Alwin. We saw 'A lovesong for Bobby Long'. It struck me, this movie, because it contains exactly that what keeps on occupying my brain lately. I wonder when and if I'm real since I seem to be busy describing everything, controlling everything by words each hour, each day again. What am I without the romantic, dramatic way of interpreting the world? I live my life as was it a book which I write myself. Could it be possible, for once, not to write but to just be? Let others do it or not. Could it be possible to have a drink with my brother, smoke a cigarette, staring outside, thinking my thoughts, being together with Alwin...without putting it all on a imaginary stage?

By writing this, by thinking of all those weblogs in this world, I feel recognised somehow; isn't everyone who tries to share his or her life with through media like this, trying to write his own life? Are you real or are you a character which you made up for yourself to show the world? Am I real or am I what you want me to be, reading this, getting these thoughts I share with you, into your brain?

All is fictional, especially the truth for it's what you want it to be.

My father and his girlfriend are on holiday. I offered to house-sit. On the plus side: it's a huge house with an enormous garden, lots of luxury and a very very comfortable bed to sleep in. But.. It's a very quiet house, it's in Wijchen (a village I hate), there's no pets, just scary puppets to keep me company and I offered to help paint the exterior. Hnngr.

Here's me, playing rugby (long story). Well, playing.. Walking slowly towards a tackle, more like. I'm the tall guy in front, with my back towards you. Notice the milky-white legs?

Another tackle and again I am nowhere near. You can find me on the right, just in front of a keener opponent in an orange shirt. Smiling, of course.

Okay, here we're waiting for the opposing team. Our team is dressed in black entirely. I am the guy on the far left, in the middle of the goal, thinking football would have been a better option today.

And this is our team picture. The t-shirts say "Anti nazis", luckily none played today. Find the guy holding a cigarette. That'd be me.
The pictures are better when you see them full-size, and you can do so by visiting my Flickr page.