Another dizzy day. Estee left for Boston this Wednesday, so we hugged and said goodbye at Three Bridges. I went on to London, walked around a bit, then went back to Brighton and gazed out the window at Three Bridges. But she had left Gatwick a while ago already. I realised I might never see her again (note to self: go to Boston!). When I got back to the hotel room, I cried a bit. Not to loudly though; the builders were right outside still.

The following day I left the UK as well. As I got to Harwich just minutes after my boat (Stena HSS) had left for Holland, I had hours to kill before another one would come. All that thinking time made me realise how buggered up I am. I wrote her a letter, declared that I already miss her loads, that I apologise for the way I behaved – being so undead – and that I love her. But I am not sure I do. The boat got me to Hook of Holland terribly late, so I had to spend the night in a Rotterdam hotel, before getting back to Nijmegen on Friday. I hate Rotterdam, especially when I want to be in Boston with Estee.

Labels: travel

Estee had left a telephone message at reception, when I got down for breakfast this morning. So all day I tried calling her back, but failed miserably. I walked across Brighton and Hove, had dinner at the Pizza Hut (staring at an empty seat across the table) and went to bed. What a waste this Tuesday was.

Labels: travel

Brighton isn't bad. I had my breakfast at a Starbucks this morning, which was actually quite comfortable and yummy. After that, I picked up Estee from the station and walked through town with her. We sat down at the beach for a while, and after that I took her to my hotel room. Just for her to see it, mind you. It didn't take long for her to view the small but comfy bed, the en-suite shower and the builders obscuring the view at the window. Builders with a posh accent by the way – quite bizarre. So we were left to conversation again, really. She told me she liked the shower and that she hadn't enjoyed the one at Crawley. So I proposed she used this one, while I went for a walk. Of course she declined. Then I introduced her to my favourite Dutch tea (Zonnatura), that I had brought. And as we sat silently on the bed, next to each other, sipping tea.. The tension, whatever it was exactly, could be cut with a knife. I thought about maybe giving her a kiss, but couldn't move. What she thought I will never know. When she went back to the station and back to Three Bridges, I really didn't want to lose her though. So I went all the way with her. To Three Bridges, that is. Then I went back. And to bed. I dreamt about her being there too, close enough to hold onto.

Labels: travel

Estee is actually staying with some rather distant relatives, in Crawley. It's been her excuse to go to Europe for an entirely different reason – namely me. Yay! As I don't like London too much – too expansive and expensive – I had booked a hotel in Brighton weeks ago already. Brighton is just an hour's train ride away, and Crawley, or Three Bridges actually, is a station on the route. So this evening, when I left for Brighton, I got out at Crawley to meet up with Estee for the evening, and hopefully go out with her. Unfortunately she didn't appear until two and a half hours later, which I think might actually say something about yesterday. She called ahead though saying she'd be late, so I went down to a local pub for some Southern Comfort. When she finally got to the station, it was so late I had to catch one of the last trains South again quite quickly. Anyway, it was great to simply see her. There's something about her. See I've always fancied really skinny girls, which she isn't. But she's got such a cute face, she's gorgeous regardless. And then, Estee manages to dress really well. She's beautiful. Still I don’t really know how to feel. Or if she even likes me.

And then on a completely different note, the manager of the Strawberry Fields hotel in Brighton looks like Heather Nova. And like her, not so bad looking either.

Labels: travel

London, Hyde Park, Peter Pan statue, 11 am. She's not there. Neither am I. I know where to find it, but I suppose I am a bit early. I just walk quickly towards the statue, look at it briefly.. I stand still for as long as my nerves will allow, then quickly disappear. Luckily there's a sandy path and some shrubs near, so I can hide. But really I can't hide, that's stupid. So I walk past the statue again, but now keep on walking, around the pond, come back a good ten minutes later.. And still she isn’t there. I think. I head for the shrubs again, catch my breath and walk back towards the statue, seemingly confident now. And there she is. I don't know how I know it's her, but she knows I am me as well. Our eyes meet, we smile somewhat uncomfortably, walk towards each other.. And I realise I am disappointed. She's pretty, but not as I had imagined. And unfortunately, imagination is all-conquering, in an internet relationship. Then I hate myself for being so judgemental, keep on walking and smiling and I greet her. She seems relaxed actually, when I probably look austere, like I always do when emotions are too tangled to deal with. Still, her hand is freezing. Later on, when we sit down in the shade beneath an acorn tree, I make a run for a drinks stall to get her something. Or actually, to get my head together. After that we sit and talk some more, until I walk her back to the subway station, then get back to the hotel myself. And at night I realise that, though she's not my type - I think - she is pretty, sexy and great to be with. I am no less confused, but very very alone all of a sudden.

Labels: travel

In August 1999 I was in London with my sister. I am guessing with Estee it'll be slightly different, and though I don't know what to expect – I am really looking forward to it. I got a train to Hook of Holland in the afternoon, a boat to Harwich and another train to London. The Palace Hotel at Inverness Terrace didn't disappoint: cheap but a nice bed and all the usual comforts. It's very close to Hyde Park, where she and I agreed to meet tomorrow. I gave her a call at 10 pm, just to hear her voice again and let her know I got to London just fine. She's really looking forward to tomorrow and actually I am not.. I'm looking forward to the day after tomorrow. When hopefully these nerves have calmed down a bit.

Labels: travel