:: two clurichauns
As this is a joke about two Irish fairies not unlike the 'wee free men' from the Terry Pratchett novels, I'm telling it in my best Scots. This language is very close to English, so you'll get the joke if you read on regardless of whether you speak it.
Twa wickit wee clurichauns tha haed been stravaigin aroond Blackpool Pleasure Beach aw gif the foregane nicht, fand thaimsels waukin up in bricht sunlicht an surroontit by fowk. Unalike maist brounies thae were nae fashed aboot the fowk. Maist couldnae see faeries ava, sae there wis nocht tae wirry. The sun hoaniver giein thaim sair heids, waurin thair hingowers. It shoud be weel-kent broun faeries cannae bronze an aw.
Swift seekin a guid scug, the twa decided tae twyne an hae a guid deek roond. The aulder gif the twa brounies suin fand a tuimed kinnen den, yet haed tae wait fir the wee yin tae retour. He makkit himsel a coothie wee haudin and bided a twee, or thirty mair like.
"Whit cam o youse than, ye saunterin radge?" the aulder clurichaun speirt the wee yin, that himsel wisnae cantie leukin. "Aye, weel.." the wee yin telt, "whan Ah cam athort a wee locus on the saunds, atween twa lang braes. Feckin braw leukin ava, Ah thocht Ah'd better guide misel an uise the chapper. At first, thair wis nae repone, sae Ah pitit mair maucht intae the chappin. It was than Ah coud hear some soond. Houaniver, naebody at the door likesay. Ah wasnae gaun tae be sent aff sae rochlie. Ah chappit some mair, gript the lang cord fir her jowe and hirthit tha an aw, till efter ten meenits Ah coud at lang lest make oot a queans vyce, tellin misel she wis gaun tae come. The joukerie-pawkerie naiver did sae much tho. Och aye, as Ah conteenad Ah coud see she wis turnin wickit - Ah'm tellin ye the hail haudin wis pirrin up an doon on the saunds wi the baith gif us giein it aw. Misel ah kept quate, yet the quean screiched aiver mair faized tha se wis comin. Ah wasnae feart, fir shuir, well, tha is.. Nae richt feart, yet ye ken a gadge has tae ken whan tae fecht an whan tae scour. An whan she let lowse a deep grunch, follaed it wi an deavenin skirl tha naurhaund spleetit mah heid.. Ah wis conseederin mah awa-gaun. Ainly than it wis tha Ah saw whit batter she haid snaikily kivertit aroond misel, still skooshin it at mah heid as Ah stuid thair by her door. She wis lauchin by the noo, richt rairie too. As yen ken unnerstaund, this is whan Ah uptailit. Ah had tae reinge misel in the faem afore jynin ye in yer fair abode, siccarlie."
The aulder o the twa clurichans leuked at his marrae dumfoonderit. "Whit wis the name o this awfu steid, do ye ken?" "Nae idea pal, yet Ah git the name on the door: Ann Summers."
Twa wickit wee clurichauns tha haed been stravaigin aroond Blackpool Pleasure Beach aw gif the foregane nicht, fand thaimsels waukin up in bricht sunlicht an surroontit by fowk. Unalike maist brounies thae were nae fashed aboot the fowk. Maist couldnae see faeries ava, sae there wis nocht tae wirry. The sun hoaniver giein thaim sair heids, waurin thair hingowers. It shoud be weel-kent broun faeries cannae bronze an aw.
Swift seekin a guid scug, the twa decided tae twyne an hae a guid deek roond. The aulder gif the twa brounies suin fand a tuimed kinnen den, yet haed tae wait fir the wee yin tae retour. He makkit himsel a coothie wee haudin and bided a twee, or thirty mair like.
"Whit cam o youse than, ye saunterin radge?" the aulder clurichaun speirt the wee yin, that himsel wisnae cantie leukin. "Aye, weel.." the wee yin telt, "whan Ah cam athort a wee locus on the saunds, atween twa lang braes. Feckin braw leukin ava, Ah thocht Ah'd better guide misel an uise the chapper. At first, thair wis nae repone, sae Ah pitit mair maucht intae the chappin. It was than Ah coud hear some soond. Houaniver, naebody at the door likesay. Ah wasnae gaun tae be sent aff sae rochlie. Ah chappit some mair, gript the lang cord fir her jowe and hirthit tha an aw, till efter ten meenits Ah coud at lang lest make oot a queans vyce, tellin misel she wis gaun tae come. The joukerie-pawkerie naiver did sae much tho. Och aye, as Ah conteenad Ah coud see she wis turnin wickit - Ah'm tellin ye the hail haudin wis pirrin up an doon on the saunds wi the baith gif us giein it aw. Misel ah kept quate, yet the quean screiched aiver mair faized tha se wis comin. Ah wasnae feart, fir shuir, well, tha is.. Nae richt feart, yet ye ken a gadge has tae ken whan tae fecht an whan tae scour. An whan she let lowse a deep grunch, follaed it wi an deavenin skirl tha naurhaund spleetit mah heid.. Ah wis conseederin mah awa-gaun. Ainly than it wis tha Ah saw whit batter she haid snaikily kivertit aroond misel, still skooshin it at mah heid as Ah stuid thair by her door. She wis lauchin by the noo, richt rairie too. As yen ken unnerstaund, this is whan Ah uptailit. Ah had tae reinge misel in the faem afore jynin ye in yer fair abode, siccarlie."
The aulder o the twa clurichans leuked at his marrae dumfoonderit. "Whit wis the name o this awfu steid, do ye ken?" "Nae idea pal, yet Ah git the name on the door: Ann Summers."